All-Star Hawaii Author Notes - Episode 2 (Down the Hatch)
by Mario Lanza
First off, there's something I forgot to talk about in my notes about episode one.
People who read All-Star Hawaii back in 2002 might remember that the original title for episode one was NOT "Return
of the King." The title of the episode used to be "Only the Good Die Young." That was the title
the writing team decided to use back in 2002.
I know I'm going to repeat this over and over throughout my commentary, but you have to remember that this was
NOT a solo writing project back when it first started out. We did everything by consensus. And if the majority
wanted to do something, well that's pretty much what we did. Remember, it wasn't all my decision back then. If
I didn't agree with a choice the team made, but I was outvoted by everybody else, all I could do was pretty much
just suck up and deal with it. I didn't have any other option. Those were the rules.
Well, as you can guess, I was never really on board with "Only the Good Die Young" as our episode one
title. I thought it was way too obvious as to what was going to happen. But since the rest of the group was fine
with it, and I really didn't have a better suggestion, I just gave up, conceded, and went with the group.
In general, I'm pretty happy with most of the episode titles for Hawaii, Alaska, and Greece (and even Okinawa too,
if you count that as one my stories.) But I always had a sore spot for episode one of Hawaii, because I thought
we could have come up with something better. In fact, when I finally sat down to work on the rewrite, that was
one of my top five goals I hoped to accomplish. Improving the title (and general epic nature) of the first episode
was one of the five most important things I thought needed to happen.
MARIO'S TOP FIVE GOALS FOR THE HAWAII REWRITE:
1. Change the title of the first episode and flesh it out a lot more
2. Give Teresa more of a character
3. Give Ethan more of a character
4. Get rid of the stupid Lex-Sue machete subplot in episode two
5. Improve the finale and make it much more epic and interesting
As you can see, we're now two episodes into the rewrite and already I've accomplished four of the five goals I
wanted to work on. The premiere is much, much better than it was back in 2002. Teresa got a whole lot of storyline
before she went home in episode one. Ethan (who really really needed a storyline in the original) got a
whole fun comeback revenge story in episode two, which finally gave him an actual story arc. And of course, the
whole fight over the machete between Lex and Sue in episode two has now been gutted and tossed in the trash, where
it always belonged .
(NOTE: For new readers, just be patient. I'll explain the machete fight more
in the sections below.)
In other words, that's already four goals accomplished out of five, and we're only two episodes into the story.
So as you can imagine, by this point I think the rewrite has gone exceptionally well.
(NOTE: By the way, there are a few other minor goals that were important
for me going into the rewrite. But if I talk about them now, I'll end up spoiling some of the plotlines of the
later episodes. So for now, let's just say I've accomplished four of my big five goals in Hawaii, and leave it
at that. I'll talk about some of my minor rewrite goals when we actually get there.)
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EPISODE 2 COMMENTARY
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Ever since All-Star Hawaii was first published back in 2002, there's one criticism that has always hovered over
the story and driven me crazy, because it's the only thing the story's critics have really ever wanted to talk
about.
Ever since 2002, the only thing I've heard about Hawaii, over and over, has been "What's the deal with the
stupid machete argument between Lex and Sue?"
What? You say you're a new reader? And you never saw the infamous "Sue versus Lex" storyline from All-Star
Hawaii? The one that all the story's critics loved to bitch about? The one that, in many peoples' eyes, came very
close to actually ruining the story?
Well, against my better judgment, and because I have a heart as big as all outdoors, I've decided to actually show
you the original version of Hawaii, episode 2. Want to see the original version that people all hated back in 2002?
Want to see the episode that I surreptitiously yanked off the internet in 2002, after vowing that it would never
see the light of day again in my life?
Well, here you go.
Take a big, steaming gawk at this piece of crap
And I'll be waiting right here if and when you decide to come back.
...
...
..
.
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POST MACHETE READING
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What? Back so soon?
That was a horrible Survivor episode, wasn't it?
Aren't you glad you never read it before?
Ever since 2002, I've been horribly embarrassed by All-Star Hawaii, episode 2. That was the one episode that I
knew sucked. It was the one episode that I knew the READERS knew sucked. And it was the main impetus behind this
whole extensive rewrite in the first place.
Well right now I'm going to talk about it. Right now I'm going to spill some juicy behind the scenes dirt. This
is the first time I've ever talked about the original episode two before, this is the last time I'm ever going
to talk about it again, and... well... in a few minutes, you're going to understand why it always bugged me that
so many people harped on this episode over every other one in the story.
For starters, I just have to make one proclamation. There's just one thing I have to say before we go any further
in this commentary.
What is that one thing?
I NEVER WROTE THIS EPISODE IN THE FIRST PLACE!
That's right. Even though Hawaii has mostly been attributed to me throughout the years, and even though the sequels
(Alaska and Greece) most definitely were written almost entirely by me, Hawaii was not necessarily a "Mario
Lanza Survivor story" when it first came out back in 2002. Remember, I talked about this in my episode one
commentary. All-Star Hawaii was originally a five-person group project. It was a team effort. It wasn't a solo
story. So when you're looking at the original episode two, and the retarded machete subplot which doesn't belong
here, you're looking at an episode THAT WASN'T MINE AT ANY TIME IN 2002. IT WAS WRITTEN BY SOMEBODY ELSE!
Remember, back when we first started All-Star Hawaii, the four of us writers all rotated. One by one, we all took
turns. Because by doing this, I figured we'd get a much stronger story. I figured, okay, in episode one we'd get
one style of story. And then in episode two we'd get another, etc.
By having a team of four rotating storytellers, I figured the readers would always get something new when they
got a new episode. And I figured that would be far more exciting than just having the same story told from the
exact same perspective. I figured, well if nothing else, with four distinct writers, you'd get to see Survivor
develop from multiple vantage points.
(NOTE: One of the biggest influences for this story is a 1974 book called The Killer Angels, by Michael Shaara. If you've never
read it, it's the story of the Battle of Gettysburg, as seen by multiple generals, all with a different point of
view. I was always fascinated by this book, because it was the first time I'd ever read a story with one plotline
as dictated by multiple vantage points (kind of like Pulp Fiction.) And I thought the whole idea was fascinating.
So that's what I was trying to do with All-Star Hawaii. I've always thought that Survivor would be far more fascinating
if you look at it as having sixteen distinct storylines, not just one. And I figured if we used different writers
along the way, we'd have a similar effect. So if you've ever wondered why my stories jump around from character
to character, and from past to present, so much, that's why. I want all my stories to be as complex and multi-dimensional
as The Killer Angels.)
(NOTE #2: One of the other big influences for Hawaii is a 1996 story called
The Green Mile, by Stephen King. The Green
Mile isn't the best Stephen King story I've ever read, but it's one of my favorites because it was written in serial
form. Basically, it was written in six chapters, with every chapter ending in a cliffhanger. And then you'd have
to wait a month until the next book came out, to see what came next. Well needless to say I loved The Green
Mile when it came out in 1996. It was the first serial novel I'd ever read, and I was totally addicted. So when
I sat down to do Hawaii, I kind of wanted to attempt the same type of thing. I wanted this to be a Survivor serial
novel. I wanted every chapter to end in a cliffhanger, and I wanted to drive the readers crazy because then they
wouldn't know what happened next until the next chapter was published. In fact, if you ever saw the original webpage
for All-Star Hawaii, that's how I first publicized it. I originally called it "A fan fiction serial novel,
in thirteen chapters."
So anyway, if you're wondering why Hawaii and its sequels are written in such a unique style, and end in so
many cliffhanger sections, that's why. I just wanted it to be a serial novel. In fact, in my opinion, every
one of my stories should be a serial novel. Every one of my chapter should leave you wanting for more. Every section
should be manipulative and leave you hanging without a resolution. No, "serial cliffhangers" aren't the
most noble writing style in the world. And yes, of course they are sneaky and a little manipulative. But I don't
care. As long as you end each section screaming, "Well what happens NEXT??," I feel like my job as a
writer is somehow complete.
My Survivor stories have always had a unique style, and it's one I call "Survivor Crack." Because I've
always felt that if any true Survivor fan sat down and started reading my stories, they'd quickly be hooked. I've
always figured that if I could just lure a new reader in and get him invested in the first few paragraphs, well,
he'd be a total Survivor Crack junkie by about the fifth page. And once a reader was addicted, I could just string
him along with cliffhanger after cliffhanger with no immediate resolution ("When are Lex and Sue going to
square off??") until he'd be totally hooked on the story. Every few days, he'd now need a new episode fix.
And at that point he'd be putty in my hands, and I could do whatever I want.
So anyway that's the name of my Survivor fanfic writing style. It's called Survivor Crack. And it's supposed to
be addictive.
And if you don't like it, blame Stephen King. :)
^^
Where were we? Oh yeah, episode two. And why it sucked.
So anyway, by now you can understand the rationale behind why we used multiple writers. I figured it would make
the story much richer if we were able to tell it from varying points of view. I figured that one writer could write
the first episode, and his job was to intentionally leave it open-ended. I figured that writer #1 should leave
about five dangling plot lines at the end of his episode, and then writer #2 would be able to just jump in and
pick out whichever cliffhanger he wanted to resolve when he sat down to write the next one.
In my mind, I saw every episode being a logical extension of the one that came directly before it. Whatever came
in episode one, you should follow up and expand upon in episode two. That was really the only rule I had for the
original writers of All-Star Hawaii. Whatever happens in episode x, just be sure to expand upon it and go with
it in episode x+1. Just follow the rules, and keep the story logical, and the audience will love it and completely
eat it up.
Sounds good, right?
So what went wrong in the original episode two?
Well for starters it just didn't work. The original writer of episode two (who, for obvious reasons I am not going
to name) just really didn't get the "feel" of what we were trying to do with this project. He never really
understood a lot of the characters, he never really understood the motivations of why people play Survivor the
way that they do, and it became glaringly obvious when I saw the rough draft he handed in for episode two
Remember, even though this was a group project, each individual episode was very much a solo effort when we started
back in 2002. If a writer was assigned to an episode, it was his responsibility and his responsibility alone to
write it from start to finish. The other three writers would just wait until we got a first draft, and then jump
in to offer suggestions and constructive criticism on how to improve and perfect the final draft.
Remember, up until the point we saw the first draft, the rest of the other three writers on the team (including
me) had absolutely nothing to do with a Hawaii episode. Up to that point, the entire thing was the sole
responsibility of the original author. This is important.
So anyway, writer #2 took about a week to get us a first draft for episode two. And since our original goal was
to post a new episode every 5-6 days, already we were falling behind. Writer #2 took forever to get us a first
draft, and when he did, it was only partially complete.
After seven days, the rough draft that writer #2 turned over to us didn't have a reward challenge or an immunity
challenge. It had a bunch of stuff at the start about how Mike woke up too early and pissed everybody off. And
then of course it had the stupid machete fight between Lex and Sue (in which none of the characters act, or behave,
like real Survivor players. Heck, they don't even sound like actual people! Human beings don't talk like that!)
And then to cap it off, writer #2 wrote a completely uninteresting end to the episode, in which Ethan is kicked
off despite having no character development, no dialogue, or any particular reason why the Kekos all voted for
him in the first place.
So anyway, after seven days, the other two writers and I had this steaming pile of dogshit dumped in our laps.
I mean, I know episode one was no masterpiece. But at least I had a start, a beginning, and an end. I didn't quite
have the right style completely perfected in episode one, but at least there was a general outline of how the story
should go (especially if a better writer than me had taken it on.)
But the first draft we got for episode two was ridiculous. There was no start, middle, or end. There was no rationale
for why Ethan was booted. There was no character development whatsoever. All it had was this retarded argument
between Lex and Sue (which, essentially, boiled down to Sue screaming "Did not!" and Lex screaming "Did
too!") and that was about it.
So I asked writer #2 if this was all he had. I said, "Um, where are the reward and the immunity challenges?"
He just said, "I don't like writing challenges, so I left them out. You can do them."
Well, great.
I asked why Ethan didn't have any dialogue, and why there was no reason given for why the Kekos all booted him.
Writer #2 just said, "I didn't really think I could write Ethan. So I just had him get booted because he was
boring."
As you can imagine, this is where I actually slammed my head into a wall.
So wait, let me get this straight. We're supposed to post a new episode every five days. And on the seventh day,
we get a rough draft (from writer #2) which has no immunity challenge, no reward challenge, no character development,
and no reason for the bootee's eviction?
"Well if you like challenges so much," writer #2 snarked at me, "Then you write them. I don't
like writing challenges."
(NOTE: Writer #2 is the same one who wouldn't let us boot Kathy in the first
episode, because "Kathy is my favorite and it isn't fair." So as you can guess, I was already a little
annoyed with him. And the minute he told me "I don't write challenges," he eventually wound up on my
shit list and never got off.)
So anyway now our writing team was in a little bit of a bind. It had already been a week since our premiere episode,
so we had people clamoring for Hawaii episode two right now. And remember, this wasn't just
some story we were posting in a MySpace blog. All-Star Hawaii was the biggest summer project at Survivor-Central,
a website with a readership in the hundreds of thousands. We had a lot of people who were waiting for this
episode, and I was well aware that if we delayed the second episode too long, a lot of the fans would start to
lose interest.
In my opinion, there's nothing worse than a writing project that loses steam between episode one and two. In fact,
I've always believed that the second episode of a story is arguably the most critical one. Because in my personal
opinion, anybody can write one good episode of a story. Anybody can pull off a single good epidode. But
if you can prove it and pull off a second good one as well, well at that point that's when you win over
the readers.
I firmly believe that all readers half-expect a story to fail after the first episode. And that's why it was so
critical to get this second episode out in as timely a manner as possible. I didn't want to start the parade of
excuses to the readers. I didn't want to start saying things like, "It will be a few more days..." or
"Give us another week," etc.
The minute you start showing weakness as a writer is the minute the readers lose respect for you and think you'll
get overwhelmed. I've seen it happen time and time again in the online Survivor world. You can always tell the
exact moment a writer gets overwhelmed by his project, because that's when they start stalling and delaying installments.
And there was no way I was going to let that happen with Hawaii, episode two. There was no way I was going to let
our readers down, just because one of our writers let us down and didn't know what the hell he was doing.
So I just told the S-C readers that "Episode two is coming tomorrow!"
And then the other three of us had just 24 hours to salvage this thing, get it out in a somewhat professional format,
and do our best to maintain our young story's momentum.
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Salvaging a Turd
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Since writer #2 had essentially given up on this episode and left it for dead, the other three of us now had less
than 24 hours to salvage it and turn it into something that would be somewhat readable. And that meant identifying
the biggest problems in the episode, and applying a quick fix as fast as we could.
In my mind, the rough draft of episode two we were handed had five major problems. And in order of BIGGEST PROBLEM,
down to the SMALLEST PROBLEM, here were the five things in the episode we needed to fix:
1. There was no immunity challenge
2. There was no reward challenge
3. There was no "logical extension" of episode one. There was no continuity. What happened after Teresa's
Tribal Council? How were the Kekos feeling after that?
4. The "Lex versus Sue" machete fight was retarded. Human beings don't talk like that!
5. Ethan was booted without the slightest character development or reason
Well since we only had 24 hours, there was no way we could tackle all five of these issues. There was no way we
could completely revamp the episode and write a new one entirely from scratch. Writer #2 just hadn't given us enough
time for that. So we just went right down the list above, and tackled as many problems as we could, from biggest
to smallest.
For starters, we needed an immunity challenge. You can't just ignore the challenges in a Survivor episode. They
happen, and they are important, whether you like it or not. There has to be some reason why Keko went to
Tribal Council in episode two. So I sat down to write the gross food ("fish eating") challenge. It wasn't
a perfect challenge, but at least it sent Keko to Tribal Council. Plus it gave us some good character development
for people like Mike (crazy), Ethan (needs to win), and Kathy (still hates Vecepia.) So that challenge worked pretty
well, even though I was forced to write it at the last minute. It was probably the first semi-decent Survivor challenge
I ever wrote.
After the immunity challenge, I needed to write a reward challenge. So I wrote the original "cliff diving"
challenge. Again, this was completely rushed and completely hurried, but at least Richard got a spear at the end.
And we gave Ethan some character development by making him a star in the water.
Once the first two problems had been fixed (reward and immunity challenge), we now at least had a semi-presentable
episode. We still didn't have any continuity from the first episode, and we still had that stupid machete fight,
and there was still no reason why Ethan had been booted, but at least we could post SOMETHING now and it would
seem like an actual episode.
As the time to post episode #2 drew closer and closer, we tried our best to tackle the continuity issue. Yes, we
knew that the machete fight was dumb. But remember, the official team policy at this point was "If one writer
decides upon a storyline, the rest of us need to just go with it."
None of us were happy with the machete fight in the story. But since we didn't have time to redo it (or the inclination
to take writer #2 on in a fight), we decided to just leave it. Fine, we figured, if writer #2 wants to include
a fight where Lex and Sue sound like a couple of first graders, let him do it. I figured, I'll just make it perfectly
clear on the message board that the rest of us did not write this episode, and writer #2 can take the heat
if the readers rightfully think it is dumb.
So against almost all of my better instincts, I decided to leave the machete fight in the story. I figured, well
the continuity issue is much more important. So long as I make episode #1 flow into #2 better, maybe the readers
will forgive the ridiculous plotline.
This is why I added the section at the start of the episode, where Gretchen feels guilty over booting Teresa, and
Ethan just sits there, sad and depressed, on the log. It wasn't the best paragraph in the world, but it DID make
episode #2 sound like it came directly after part 1. So that was another problem patched. Three down, and two to
go.
I wish I could say we fixed all the problems in the episode back in 2002. But in truth, we eventually ran out of
time. We never did get to add a "reason" why Ethan was booted. We never did get to give Ethan a storyline
where he actually tried to fight back. Ethan ended up a complete nobody in episode two, because one of the writers
on our writing team decided he was too boring to actually get a character.
Eventually, even though we hated it, the rest of the writing team came to the realization that we'd done just about
as much patching as we'd be able to do. There was no way we could give Ethan a storyline, and give him a well-rounded
character, without gutting the whole episode and starting the whole thing from scratch. Besides, even though writer
#2 had been kind of a baby when it came to writing Ethan ("He's boring! I can't write him!"), in truth
he was sort of correct. How on earth DO you write Ethan Zohn? Remember, before All-Stars he barely had a character
at all. How do you write Ethan just based on what we saw in Africa?
As much as pains me to admit this, the simple answer is, "you don't."
I had no idea how to write Ethan in Hawaii. Writer #2 had no idea how to write Ethan in Hawaii. Hell, NONE of us
had any idea how to write Ethan in Hawaii. Out of all sixteen characters in the story, he was easily the most difficult
to capture in print. In fact, if you're asking for my honest opinion as to why we booted him in the second episode,
it's possible that that was a factor in our decision. Did we boot Ethan in episode two because he was impossible
to write? Were we really that shallow as writers? Personally I don't 100% remember. Honestly, I don't. But I'd
be lying if I said that Ethan's being "boring" definitely wasn't a factor at all.
(NOTE: I've written about this many times before, but I hated the real All-Star
Survivor. I hated nearly everything about that season, and I always will. But there was one good thing that
came out of it. The best thing to come out of All-Stars, at least in my opinion, is that Ethan finally got a good
edit, and we finally got to see him as a fiery warrior. We never saw any of Ethan's fiery side back in Africa.
But in All-Stars all of a sudden he was an entirely new person. And once I saw that, it made capturing him in the
rewrite a hell of a lot easier. Ah, I suddenly realized, that's the character he needs to be in Hawaii.
Hawaii Ethan needs to be All-Stars Ethan. This is one of the few times where I actually rewrote a character in
Hawaii based on how CBS portrayed him in All-Stars.)
(NOTE #2: By the way, did you ever watch the All-Stars DVD Commentary? Did
you ever hear how Jenna M. kept calling her new boyfriend "Ethan version 2.0?" Well, Jenna swiped that
term from my old Survivor-Central column. That was the way I talked about Ethan every week in my old strategy column.
I always called him "Ethan 2.0." And since Jenna read my column back at the time, I've always assumed
she just swiped "Ethan 2.0" for the commentary because it was funny. Jenna, you owe me royalties!!)
So anyway if you were always wondering why the old Hawaii episode 2 was so shitty, now you know. It was shitty
because we were given an absolute flaming turd as a rough draft, and we didn't have time to fix all the problems.
There was no way we could add two challenges, plus add continuity, plus add character development, plus add character
motivation, in only 24 hours. And there wasn't a chance in hell we could do all that, PLUS remove the ridiculous
machete argument, without gutting the whole episode and starting from scratch.
Were we aware that the machete fight was completely ridiculous, and sounded like a couple of first graders fighting
over a piece of candy? Of course we were. But given the timeline involved, and the importance of maintaining audience
momentum, and the fact that the plot of every episode was supposedly "up to the author", we just couldn't
do anything to change it.
All we could do at the last minute was add missing sections (including both challenges!), and try to turn this
into an episode.
No, it didn't end up being the greatest Survivor episode in the world.
And it still had that stupid machete argument (that the rest of the writers, including me, all hated.)
But hey, at least it got posted on time.
Episode two was posted on time, and did its best to maintain the story's momentum.
And everyone (at least, on the surface) seemed to be happy.
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The 2007 Rewrite
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Obviously, as you can tell from what I wrote above, there were still a lot of glaring problems with the episode
two we posted back in 2002. Yes, it eventually got posted on time, but it ended up being easily the weakest of
the original Hawaii episodes. And as you can imagine, that fact always bothered me. I'm such a perfectionist in
nature, and I have always had such a bad taste in my mouth about the way the whole thing went down, that I have
always intended to some day go back and fix all the problems.
I always knew that episode two could be a lot better than it originally was. And I always knew that Ethan Zohn
deserved a lot better character than we originally gave him. And I always knew that that f***ing machete subplot
was stupid and needed to go. I always knew that I would be able to scrap it, and still manage to make the whole
"Sue versus Lex" showdown compelling without it.
So that's exactly what I tried to do.
I would love to go into every change between the original Hawaii episode 2 (2002), and the rewritten one I just
finished this week (2007). But my notes for this episode are already running so long that I didn't want to drag
this out. So here's a quick list of the major changes I made to episode two in the rewrite, and why. Most of them
were very much needed because, as you might imagine, the original episode from 2002 was pretty much useless.
1. At the start of the episode, Alicia consoles Gretchen on the walk back to camp, rather than Gretchen just stewing
in her angst all by herself.
Why: All of Alicia's scenes thus far in the story seem to have her angry and pissed off. I wanted to show
her being nurturing too. I hate my characters to always be so damn one dimensional.
2. Ethan has a minor blowout with Gretchen by the fire at the start of the episode.
Why: I wanted to build up the "Ethan is depressed, then Ethan gets mad, then Ethan gets revenge, then
Ethan's revenge fails" storyline. I wanted to give Ethan an actual character arc, an entire rise and fall,
in a single episode. In my opinion, there's nothing more interesting in a story than a character who suddenly makes
an incredible comeback, and then falls juuuuust short. I love futile comebacks like that. So I started it all here,
where Ethan finally gets the first of his little "comeback moments."
3. I added the entire "Ahi morning show" on day four.
Why: This scene was entirely new in the rewrite. It never existed in the original. But I had always wanted
it to. I wanted to show the Ahis as being fun, and I wanted Lex to get a nice scene for a change, instead of everyone
always trashing him. Plus I wanted to show Colleen as being playful and fun. Also, this whole scene was a really
good way to drive home the fact that new Ahi is a lot like old Maraamu. And that the pairing of Rob and Vecepia,
well, that isn't an accident.
4. I added the whole history of how Rob and Vecepia took out Hunter back in Marquesas.
Why: Because I've always heard that Vecepia was a lot more instrumental behind that incident than people
realized. I've always felt that Vee gets a raw deal in the Survivor fan world. So I felt I'd build her up in this
scene (through a story I've always heard was true) and sell her as more of a player than most people would ever
expect. Selling Vecepia as a fun character to the readers was always one of my more ambitious goals in writing
this story.
5. I changed the reward challenge from a "Butch Cassidy" repeat to just a random waterfall jump.
Why: In the original, this was just a repeat of a challenge from Australia. I'm not sure why I thought that
was a good idea. But it was rushed at the time, so I'd always meant to go back and change it, whenever I did a
rewrite. Now, in the new version, it's more of an original challenge.
6. I added the whole subplot of Keko trying to get the fishing spear away from Richard.
Why: I know that I kind of ripped off the "everybody wants to be the fisherman" scene from All-Stars.
But there's not much else I could do. I always knew I needed some sort of scene in between Richard getting
the spear, and the first time Richard goes out and uses it. And the only one that makes sense is for the Keko power
core to try and get it away from him. I came up with the idea of Colby being the tribe fisherman because I thought
it would be funny if Ethan came so close to finding a job, and then failed again (especially to his rival.)
I didn't actually have anything against Ethan as a character. I just wanted his comeback to come so close, but
always fail. Basically I wanted him to be the Charlie Brown of All-Star Hawaii. Since he was going home at the
end of the episode no matter what, I felt like it would at least give him a little more storyline.
7. At the end of Day 4, Tina has a nice bonding moment with Frank.
Why: Because I've always felt that the two of them were the purest friendship in the story. I also wanted
to give the Ahi tribe some genuine humanity. At least, before the shit hits the fan. Because you know it will...
8. There's a big chunk in the middle of the episode where Rob and Lex "line up their pieces" in preparation
for war.
Why: Well because something had to replace the stupid machete argument, that's why! Instead of Sue
and Lex literally walking up and drawing a line in the sand, I felt it would be much more realistic to have them
draw "symbolic" lines in the sand through actions and words. THIS is much closer to how people actually
play Survivor. They don't just walk up to their enemy and say "If you took my machete, you're gone. Nyah nyah."
Remember, I hated that stupid scene as much you did. Just because I posted it doesn't mean I was behind it. This
wasn't my episode!
9. Rob tells Colleen that Tina will never force a tie, because "she's too smart." And Colleen replies,
"Well maybe I'll flip on you" and Rob says, "You won't."
Why: Easy. Because I wanted to set up all these quotes as either foreshadowing, or red herrings, depending
on which way I decide to go with the story. I love throwing out lines that could theoretically go either way. And
also, I included these lines because I wanted to drive Colleenlover crazy :)
(Note: I'll explain that joke later in my commentary, when it will make more sense. Trust me, though, it's fitting.)
10. Ethan suddenly transforms from "boring, whiny Ethan" to original Ethan.
Why: Because several readers said that Ethan was too whiny in the rewritten first episode. And I agreed.
Hey, nobody ever said these stories weren't interactive. If you guys have a valid criticism about the story, I'm
going to listen.
11. Alicia will "never" wave her finger in Ethan's face.
Why: In the original version, we just had Alicia repeat her original line from Australia and everybody laughed.
It was cute, but a lot of readers said it was dumb because we were just stealing the punchline from the original
show. So I thought I'd be even cuter this time around, and reverse Alicia's line, which would, in essence,
make it an original joke. The whole entire scene with Keko sitting around, joking around about Richard, is just
a setup to get that that one punchline. Sometimes I write entire scenes just to get to one joke at the end.
12. "Everybody knows you don't challenge crazy in a battle of wills."
Why: This is a reference to the TV show Arrested Development. AD is my favorite TV show of all time. And
I'm always throwing in little homages to it, whenever I can.
13. Richard thinks Ethan's actions are "cute."
Why: I just thought it would be funny if Richard looked down on Ethan's strategy for being "cute",
and then Ethan very nearly turned things around and got Richard voted off at the end. Of course most writers would
have had Richard get all smug, and then RICHARD gets voted off. But that's too easy. My stories are never, ever,
ever that predictable. I try to think outside the box. Also, I thought it would be funny if Richard thought Ethan
was "cute", and then Ethan uses this exact same phrase to describe Richard at the end of the episode.
Above all else, I love closure. And callback jokes. Callbacks, like Ethan, are cute.
14. The power core on Keko is revealed as Colby, Mike, and Alicia.
Why: I never flat out named the power core in the original episode. But a lot of people said they were confused
as to where the Keko alliances were in episode one of the rewrite. So I flat out spelled it out for you here, in
case you were interested. It's Mike, Alicia, and Colby. The Australia trio. Kucha and Ogakor, 'til death do us
part.
15. Ethan has a wonderful speech at the end at Tribal Council, and very nearly saves himself.
Why: Because what fun is a 6-1 vote? Even though I knew Ethan was gone, I wanted to throw in some suspense,
and give Mike and Alicia a very realistic reason why they might theoretically switch their votes to Richard. Remember,
COLBY is the one who really wants Ethan gone. Ethan is his biggest rival. For Mike and Alicia, they couldn't really
care less. So long as the three of them are still in control of the tribe, and either Ethan or Richard goes home,
what's the difference?
16. Ethan's catchphrase: "Vote me out. Watch what happens."
Why: For the last two weeks, I've had this phrase repeating over and over in my head as something Ethan
needed to say. I have no idea why. It's just been repeating over and over in my head, in Ethan's voice, as sort
of a mantra. "Vote me out. Watch what happens." It just sounds like Ethan. In fact, ever since I sat
down to plan out this episode, that's the phrase I knew I needed to end it with. Don't ask me where I came up with
it. It just popped into my head. If I inadvertently stole it from an actual episode (or another TV show or movie),
just let me know. It wasn't intentional.
P.S. Episode three (A Numbers Game) was one of my favorites in the original story. So keep an eye out for it in
about 10-12 days. This one is a lot of fun. I promise :)