The Funny 115

#109. Yeah, we got amber. Amber!
Vanuatu - Episode 1

John Palyok was one of the all-time best "could-have-been"s in the world of Survivor. He would have been such an amazing character, and he was so entertaining to watch, that it was a damn shame he lasted less than 10 days in Survivor: Vanuatu. I really think he would have been one of the all-time greats.

(Great characters, that is. I don't care if he would have been a great player or not, all I care about was that he would have been a great character to have on the show).

Anyway, J.P.'s greatest moment comes in the opening episode of Survivor: Vanuatu. Because not only does he butcher the pronunciation of a simple word... he actually does it more than once. He first butchers the word "Aboriginals" and then he butchers the word "ember." And the editors must have thought this was funny as hell, because they made sure to focus on both incidents and give them special attention. In fact, J.P.s struggles with the English language were the single biggest highlight of the Vanuatu premiere.

"We can't seem to get fire. The Aborigians did this, why can't we?"

The Aborigians line was funny enough, but it was nothing compared to his later comment. You know, the one where he was discussing the Lopevi attempts to create fire and how all they could get was hot embers.

And... oh... I'm sorry...did I say embers? I meant to say "ambers."

Right, John?

"We had a hot amber going, and I was like, guys... we have a hot amber. Yeah... we've got amber!"

Just for reference sake, we'll now turn to the pages of, in the hopes of clearing up this linguistic mystery:

n : a hot glowing or smouldering fragment of wood or coal left from a fire [syn: coal]

1. A hard translucent yellow, orange, or brownish-yellow fossil resin, used for making jewelry and other ornamental objects.
2. A brownish yellow.
3. That shit they extracted the dinosaur DNA from in Jurassic Park.
4. Mrs. Mariano.

So in other words, the Lopevi tribe wasn't able to create fire the first few days of the game. Yet they were able to summon the winner of Survivor: All-Stars in much the same way you'd summon a genie out of a bottle. They rubbed two sticks together and, according to J.P., the Lopevis were thereby able to produce Amber.

(above) A hot, glowing coal

I really wish J.P. had stuck around for a few more episodes. He had the potential to be a Survivor legend.

<------ #110

Back to The Funny 115

#108 ------>