The 115 Funniest Things to Ever Happen on Survivor

#64. Savage's rant against Jon
Pearl Islands - Episode 6

This is one of my favorite moments from Pearl Islands. It involves yet another player (this time Andrew Savage) slamming Jon, in a little mini-rant that most people remember. But what people tend to forget is the fact that this moment was very nearly the turning point of the entire season! Morgan was oh-so-close to turning the game around about midway through the season, and you can trace it all back to this one little scene between Andrew and Jon. And the fact that Jon's idiocy nearly killed the game for the once-dominant Drakes.

It was the sixth episode of Pearl Islands and the Drakes were still handily in control of the game. They had dominated the season from day one, it was only a matter of time until they finished off the hapless Morgans, and nobody was more proud of this fact that Jonny Fairplay. Jon was the heart and soul of the ruthless Drake mentality, and I think it warmed his heart to see the Morgans struggle time and again just to keep their heads above water. The reason for this? Simple. Jon was probably the most sadistic a-hole the show has ever seen.

Jon Dalton

Drake was up six members to five at this point in the game, and even though the Morgans were slowly but surely clawing their way back into contention, Jon wasn't worried at all. He knew he could finish them off any time he wanted to. Why? Because Jon knew that not all the Morgan victories had been legitimate. One of them had come in a challenge that Drake had thrown (to get rid of the ass-pointer, Burton Roberts). So Jon wasn't really sweating it out. Oh sure, Morgan was making a good show of it for the cameras, but when push came to shove Jon would make sure to break the Morgan spirits just when they thought they were back in the game. In fact he was very much looking forward to it.

And he finally got his chance on day eighteen.

Drake won reward at the start of the sixth episode, and part of their reward was that they got to raid the Morgan camp. They got to send one representative over to Morgan on a raiding mission, and you can probably guess who was eager to be the one to do it. Sandra, can you give us a hint?

"We'll send Jon, 'cause he's like a girl."

So Jon was ready to go. His mission today was to go over to Camp Morgan, play around with them a little bit, and then lower the boom by... "oops!"... accidentally dropping the news that one of the Morgan wins had been a thrown challenge. Jon knew this little tidbit would shatter any momentum Morgan had been riding, and it would probably devastate them just before the last pre-merge immunity challenge. In fact the idea was giving him a little Jon-boner just even thinking about it.


So Jon heads to Morgan, and this is where the fun begins. Because when Andrew sees whom the Drakes have sent, he immediately goes into defensive mode. Jon is just not a popular person among the Morgan tribe.

Andrew tells Tijuana, "Here comes Little Jon. Unclench your fists."

(Side note: One of the best running jokes in Pearl Islands is how Andrew always calls Jon "Big Jon" to his face, but calls him "Little Jon" behind his back. For some reason, that always makes me laugh. In fact Jon even comments on this during the Pearl Islands DVD commentary. He says it always hurt his feelings in Pearl Islands every time Andrew referred to him as "Little Jon.")

Jon and the Morgans banter for a while, and then Jon finally "drops" the news that Drake threw the fourth immunity challenge. Oh, didn't you guys know? Oh yeah, we threw that challenge. Sorry, I thought you guys already knew that. You didn't think you had actually won, did you? And then Jon gleefully goes back to Drake, fully aware that he has just ruined the Morgans' day. It was a move that only Jonny Fairplay could have pulled off.

Jon telling them that Drake threw the fourth immunity challenge

The angry Morgans are stunned

Well needless to say the Morgans aren't very happy about Jon's comments, especially their leader-- the fearless lawyer-turned-hero Andrew Savage. Because Andrew then proceeds to give one of my favorite interviews of the entire season. It's a memorable little mini-rant towards Jon, where he progressively gets angrier and angrier the longer he speaks. So here is his confessional. Just picture the normally-calm Andrew's face getting angrier and angrier as he is saying this:

"He claims he threw the chess/checker/water challenge. Well I think that's just nonsense, and I think it's bad sportsmanship by him... little bastard... to indicate that we didn't fair and square win that challenge."

"... so I don't think they did throw it. But just for that little pissant to take that away from us is ridiculous."

"So let the games begin. Let's take the gloves off, and see what they're made of. Let's have some fun."

This confessional is funny enough in itself, mainly because Andrew is usually so calm and careful about what he says. He is a lawyer in real life, you know. And this is the closest he ever comes to losing his cool. Plus I love the way he slips in the phrase "little bastard" like Mr. Subliminal used to do on SNL. But what makes this moment even funnier is the fact that Jon's comments actually inspire Andrew to single-handedly win the next immunity challenge for the Morgans! Remember that? Andrew single-handedly carries more weight than the entire Drake tribe, and it is all because he wants to "shove it in that little bastard's face." Jon's comments could not have backfired any worse if he had tried, and this innocent little scene very nearly ended up being the most important moment in Pearl Islands. In fact, if the Lill face hadn't re-emerged to sabotage the Morgans two days later, I very much think that a Morgan would have won this game.

Man that would have been sweet. And it would have all been because Jon just wanted to be a prick to the hapless Morgans.

Andrew single-handedly carries Morgan to victory later that afternoon

Andrew's rant towards Jon, and his subsequent victory over Drake in the immunity challenge, ranks as one of my favorite moments in twelve seasons of Survivor. It's also the only time in history that a lawyer ended up being the good guy. Why Andrew Savage didn't become a bigger favorite among Survivor fans is beyond me. I always thought he was awesome.

*cough* We had to make Lill look good because she was in the F2, and Lill hated Andrew *cough*

(Side note: "Pissant" (according to my dictionary) is a common term for many common, small, indoor ant species. Just in case you were wondering.)

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