Other Stuff Obama Took by the Funny 115 Brain Trust*
Man, that Obama guy was just a menace.
He took 20% of this handshake!
He took away 6% of the probability of this shot
He took 100% of the crispy!
He took 25% of the Heroes' bananas!
The bastard took 5% of Brad Culpepper's face!
He took 75% of Noura's meds!
He took 90% of the odds John will not be betting on black
Speaking of Sean, Obama took 100% of the blame away from the white no-nos
But sadly. he took away 0% of the Morgan pelican
He took 100% of Courtney's patience with the Buddhist monk
And 70% of Courtney's chances of ever appearing on live TV again
And then he just flat out took the arroz away from Sandra's gandules
Wow, he's right. He really doesn't fear Sandra.
That's why he took 80% of her hops
And 40% of her ability to volume modulate
He even took away her favorite Outback
He took 100% of Courtney's wine
And 89% of Stephenie's tribe
He even took away 98% of Tommy's Teaching Time!
Oh my god, these are starting to get horrible now.
Obama took 100% of Todd's niece or nephew
He took away all twelve steps from Jan Gentry
Speaking of steps, the fiendish Obama also took this one
Obama took 60% of Chris Underwood's days in the game
He took away 20% of this scene
The bastard even took away 100% of Mike Holloway's sex partners!
Obama took 95% of Amber's vocabulary!
He overfished 90% of the South China Sea before Sean could get there
He even took away 60% of Heidi's hotness
Only a few more. I think I've found almost all of them.
He took 100% of Ethan's ham
He took away 76% of Fishbach’s ability to run
He actually took away 70% of Rudy's inner ear balance
And 80% of Rudy's Navy SEAL buddies
Think you can handle the more creative ones?
Well here you go.
Obama took away 100% of Brandon's magical date night experience
While simultaneously taking away 100% of Frank's magical date night experience
He took away 50% of Survivor's PG-13 rating
Obama took away 50% of Survivor New Zealand: Cook Islands's title
He took away 70% of the chances anyone will ever use a knife at Nate's house
He took away 30% of Bruce's ileum and also 20% of his jejunum
He bit Hatch and took 1% out of him
He took away 0% of the chance that you have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool an old cat like Lisi
God DAMNIT. He even took away 100% of Rodney’s birthday!
Think you can handle these last ones? I saved all my favorites for the end.
Hold on tight for this last bunch.
He took away 90% of Crystal's ego
And also 100% of her Olympic medals
He took 33% of the intact bones from Rupert's toe
Speaking of pirates, the fucker took 100% of Balboa
He took away 80% of Candice's safety
He took 90% of the dignity of this scene
Obama took away 90% of Purple Kelly's confessionals
And also 90% of her clothes.
Obama took 12.5% of the Borneo cast
The asshole even took 100% of Jaclyn's uterus
Obama took 75%, or 2/3rds, of Brad Culpepper's math skills.
He took 86% of Savage's age-appropriate fashion sense
He took 80% of Luke Perry's new bad boy image
He took 100% of Alec's typical nasal oxygen intake
Speaking of the Christys, he took 100% of Drew Christy’s badassery
He also took 88% of Gary's last name
And 64% of Angelina's gracefulness
Not to mention 90% of her one hundred foot ladder
Obama took away 50% of Jenna’s Lewis’ home videos
Then he took away 90% of the appropriateness of that other one
Obama even tried (but failed) to take 20% of Kathy Sleckman's fingers
He took 90% of Neleh’s mint.
Obama took away 99.9% of Judd’s attention span.
He took 50% of JT’s tooth.
Speaking of teeth, he also took exactly 3 percent of Russell's
Okay, down to the last fifteen.
Finish strong, Obama.
Obama took 50% of the Caramoan Finale's stage space
He took 100% of Bobby Jon's chances to ever get invited into a bouncy castle
He took at least 92% of Debbie's jobs
He took away 50% of Jon's ability to either lie or tell the truth
Obama took away 38% of Morgan's pants
He took away 100 percent of Tyler's charisma
And because Max gave me that joke, let me add that...
Obama took away 75% of Paul Bunyan
Speaking of Dan Foley, Obama took 100% of Dan's ability to pronounce foreign names
He also took 83% of Dan Berry’s pigment
In other Dan news, Obama actually reversed himself and he added 300% to this chair
And oh shit. Here's an even MORE stunning reversal.
James Madison actually took away 40% of Obama's value as a person in the census.
Okay, last four.
Obama took 100 percent of the Christmas cards from Les Moonves' female employees
Obama took 90% of Becky's amygdala
Obama took away 83% of the One World cast's appendixes
And, of course, in the greatest Survivor moment of them all...
Obama took away 50% of Ciera's parents from the game
And this is why I think we can all say...
THANKS OBAMA
* The Funny 115 Brain Trust was made up of (in no particular order) Joe Jennings, Leann Lindsley, Steve Williams, Scott Rosenthal, Lisa Lundin, Sean Riordan, Will Affourtit, Aaron Leavitt, George Hanns, Russ Bartlett, Mason
Jordan Mills, Ethan Kyle, Zachary Ray Holt, Will Chambers Olsen, Chris
Turnage, Jack Mourouzis, Leopoldo Reyes Meléndez, Brian Gold, John Debono, Max Dawson,
Joshua Muir, Andrew A. Koerner, David Holdsworth, Ryan Pacette,
and myself. This was a group project.