Other Stuff Obama Took
by the Funny 115 Brain Trust*


Man, that Obama guy was just a menace.




He took 20% of this handshake!




He took away 6% of the probability of this shot








He took 100% of the crispy!




He took 25% of the Heroes' bananas!




The bastard took 5% of Brad Culpepper's face!








He took 75% of Noura's meds!




He took 90% of the odds John will not be betting on black








Speaking of Sean, Obama took 100% of the blame away from the white no-nos




But sadly. he took away 0% of the Morgan pelican








He took 100% of Courtney's patience with the Buddhist monk




And 70% of Courtney's chances of ever appearing on live TV again




And then he just flat out took the arroz away from Sandra's gandules







Wow, he's right. He really doesn't fear Sandra.




That's why he took 80% of her hops




And 40% of her ability to volume modulate




He even took away her favorite Outback








He took 100% of Courtney's wine




And 89% of Stephenie's tribe




He even took away 98% of Tommy's Teaching Time!







Oh my god, these are starting to get horrible now.




Obama took 100% of Todd's niece or nephew




He took away all twelve steps from Jan Gentry




Speaking of steps, the fiendish Obama also took this one








Obama took 60% of Chris Underwood's days in the game




He took away 20% of this scene




The bastard even took away 100% of Mike Holloway's sex partners!








Obama took 95% of Amber's vocabulary!




He overfished 90% of the South China Sea before Sean could get there




He even took away 60% of Heidi's hotness







Only a few more. I think I've found almost all of them.




He took 100% of Ethan's ham




He took away 76% of Fishbach’s ability to run




He actually took away 70% of Rudy's inner ear balance




And 80% of Rudy's Navy SEAL buddies






Think you can handle the more creative ones?

Well here you go.



Obama took away 100% of Brandon's magical date night experience




While simultaneously taking away 100% of Frank's magical date night experience




He took away 50% of Survivor's PG-13 rating




Obama took away 50% of Survivor New Zealand: Cook Islands's title




He took away 70% of the chances anyone will ever use a knife at Nate's house








He took away 30% of Bruce's ileum and also 20% of his jejunum




He bit Hatch and took 1% out of him




He took away 0% of the chance that you have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool an old cat like Lisi




God DAMNIT. He even took away 100% of Rodney’s birthday!







Think you can handle these last ones? I saved all my favorites for the end.

Hold on tight for this last bunch.




He took away 90% of Crystal's ego




And also 100% of her Olympic medals




He took 33% of the intact bones from Rupert's toe








Speaking of pirates, the fucker took 100% of Balboa




He took away 80% of Candice's safety




He took 90% of the dignity of this scene




Obama took away 90% of Purple Kelly's confessionals




And also 90% of her clothes.




Obama took 12.5% of the Borneo cast




The asshole even took 100% of Jaclyn's uterus








Obama took 75%, or 2/3rds, of Brad Culpepper's math skills.




He took 86% of Savage's age-appropriate fashion sense




He took 80% of Luke Perry's new bad boy image




He took 100% of Alec's typical nasal oxygen intake








Speaking of the Christys, he took 100% of Drew Christy’s badassery




He also took 88% of Gary's last name




And 64% of Angelina's gracefulness




Not to mention 90% of her one hundred foot ladder








Obama took away 50% of Jenna’s Lewis’ home videos




Then he took away 90% of the appropriateness of that other one




Obama even tried (but failed) to take 20% of Kathy Sleckman's fingers




He took 90% of Neleh’s mint.








Obama took away 99.9% of Judd’s attention span.




He took 50% of JT’s tooth.




Speaking of teeth, he also took exactly 3 percent of Russell's







Okay, down to the last fifteen.

Finish strong, Obama.








Obama took 50% of the Caramoan Finale's stage space




He took 100% of Bobby Jon's chances to ever get invited into a bouncy castle




He took at least 92% of Debbie's jobs




He took away 50% of Jon's ability to either lie or tell the truth








Obama took away 38% of Morgan's pants




He took away 100 percent of Tyler's charisma



And because Max gave me that joke, let me add that...




Obama took away 75% of Paul Bunyan








Speaking of Dan Foley, Obama took 100% of Dan's ability to pronounce foreign names




He also took 83% of Dan Berry’s pigment




In other Dan news, Obama actually reversed himself and he added 300% to this chair







And oh shit. Here's an even MORE stunning reversal.




James Madison actually took away 40% of Obama's value as a person in the census.







Okay, last four.




Obama took 100 percent of the Christmas cards from Les Moonves' female employees




Obama took 90% of Becky's amygdala




Obama took away 83% of the One World cast's appendixes







And, of course, in the greatest Survivor moment of them all...




Obama took away 50% of Ciera's parents from the game



And this is why I think we can all say...




THANKS OBAMA










* The Funny 115 Brain Trust was made up of (in no particular order)
Joe Jennings, Leann Lindsley, Steve Williams, Scott Rosenthal, Lisa Lundin, Sean Riordan, Will Affourtit, Aaron Leavitt, George Hanns, Russ Bartlett, Mason Jordan Mills, Ethan Kyle, Zachary Ray Holt, Will Chambers Olsen, Chris Turnage, Jack Mourouzis, Leopoldo Reyes MelÚndez, Brian Gold, John Debono, Max Dawson, Joshua Muir, Andrew A. Koerner, David Holdsworth, Ryan Pacette, and myself. This was a group project.













Back to Entry #24. Obama Takes Stuff