The 115 Funniest Things to Ever Happen on Survivor
#5. Bobby Jon goes apeshit
Palau/Guatemala - Multiple Episodes
I love this entry. I very nearly ranked it #2 overall. In fact, when I
first sat down to make the Funny 115,
the "Bobby Jon Goes Crazy" moment was ranked #2 for
a while. And it had a very legitimate chance
of eventually being number one. And sure, okay I ended up dropping it
to #5 on the final list. But that doesn't
make it any less funny. Because no matter where it ranks (#1, #2, or
#5), Bobby Jon's repeated forays into crazyville
truly was one of the funniest subplots in Survivor history. I can't
think of a single person who would argue that
it doesn't belong somewhere in the top 20.
Oh, and the best part about this entry? The fact that it actually
happened in more than one season. That's right,
we got to see Bobby Jon flip out and turn into a psychopath during both
Palau and Guatemala. We got two
seasons, two mental illnesses, and we got it all for the price of one!
How can you beat that?!
Bobby Jon spazzes out in Palau
Bobby Jon spazzes out in Guatemala
So why does Bobby Jon take the coveted spot at #5? Easy. It's because
of his uncanny ability to flip out and
go absolutely apeshit
whenever it was time
to compete in a Survivor challenge. It happened in almost every
challenge he ever competed in (in both seasons!),
and it always kills me every time I see it. The image of Bobby Jon
screaming at the top of his lungs, with his
eyes bugged out, his face bright red, and his head about to explode,
never fails to make me laugh. In fact no
matter how many times I've watched and rewatched my favorite Bobby Jon
moments on tape, I have to say they've never
actually gotten any less funny. If anything, I laugh at them now as
hard as ever.
When I say "Bobby Jon goes crazy", I'm not kidding around about this,
either. The man turns legitimately
insane. Because the minute he hears the words "Survivors... ready, go!"
it's like Bobby Jon Drinkard
turns into an entirely different person. The minute Pavlov Probst rings
that Survivor bell, it's like Bobby Jon
drops his mask of civility and turns into a snarling, snapping, wild
dog. And I swear to God it happens in almost
every single Palau and Guatemala episode. "Bobby Jon will go crazy
during a challenge" is one of the
most predictable sentences in Survivor history, and it leads to one of
the funniest transformations in Survivor
history. It's like he suddenly turns from mild-mannered David Banner
into the snarling Incredible Hulk. Just
take a look for yourself.
Normal, polite Southern gentleman Bobby Jon Drinkard
"Survivors, ready, go!"
There's the signal. And here comes the transformation! The "psycho
face" starts to come out...
Gone are the polite southern manners.
Gone is the mask of genteel Alabama civility.
And here comes the crazy person!
Look at him go!
Flinging himself through the air!
The ROAR OF THE GODS!
A heated exchange with Jamie
He's still going! He'll never give up until he's dead!
I love this picture. The producers loved the image of Bobby Jon
spazzing out so much, they actually used it during
the opening credits in Palau. Awesome!
Futility, thy name is Bobby Jon.
Bobby Jon made the switch from "respectful southern gentleman" to
"chaotic apeshit berserker"
so many times that I wish I could find pictures to document them all.
Sadly I could only find a few. But take
it from me that you have to see some of the Bobby Jon faces to really
appreciate him. In particular, go watch
the scene in Palau where he beats himself up and starts pounding
himself in the face. For this reason alone,
I'd be willing to say that Bobby Jon was very nearly as entertaining a
Survivor character as Judd. Sure, he might
not have been as loud or consistently (if unintentionally) hilarious as
Judd. But Bobby Jon did manage
to turn into Mr. Furious from "Mystery Men" every time he heard Jeff
Probst ring the Pavlovian challenge
bell. And if that's not good TV, then I really
don't know what is.
Two minutes before the challenge? Bobby Jon holds
the door open for "Miss Stephenie", and lays
down his coat so she can walk across a puddle.
Two minutes into the challenge? Bobby Jon has just
slammed his head through a tree.
Here's the great scene where Bobby Jon
starts pounding himself in the face
Katie, Jeff, and Chad all react to this
ritual in horror
Bobby Jon was wonderful in both seasons he competed in, but Palau was
really
his season to shine. And only
because he was so predictably futile. Because the guy gave at least 700%
during every challenge in Palau,
yet he was successful in approximately zero of
them. Bobby Jon was out there dripping blood, drenched
in sweat, with his shoulder torn away from his torso, and every
single week he lost immunity to the hated
Korors. And if that's not futility, I don't know what is. No matter
what
Bobby Jon did, no matter how
hard he tried, and no matter how many
blood vessels he ruptured, Bobby Jon never won a single Palau
immunity challenge. And that officially made him the Charlie Brown of Survivor:
Palau.
Well, that is if Charlie Brown screamed a lot, punched his fist through
walls, and nearly died of massive internal
hemorrhaging each time he failed to kick Lucy's football. But otherwise
the parallels are pretty close.
Bobby Jon kicks a football
Bobby Jon Drinkard was an amazing, entertaining, totally crazy, utterly
improbable Survivor character. I'm really
glad they brought him back a second time.
And I'm glad he was even more crazy the second time
during Guatemala.
God bless you, Bobby Jon.
P.S. I would be remiss if I didn't also mention my all-time favorite
quote about
Bobby Jon. This came during
the season premiere of Guatemala, from the surprisingly-funny-and-blunt
Brandon Bellinger: "Bobby Jon is kind of a
little bit... dumb... I guess you'd say." Ha ha. Thanks Brandon.
P.P.S. I'm sorry, but I'm just never going to stop posting this image.
Tell me this is not the single funniest
picture in Survivor history. Go ahead and tell me. I dare you.
I will always wave this picture in your face
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