The Funny 115

#92. Sandra channels Dr. Seuss
Pearl Islands - Episode 9

One of the most amusing subplots of all time was the running battle between Jon and Sandra during Pearl Islands. In fact, the two of them fought so often and so memorably that I considered just making it a moment on its own. I was gonna call it "Jon vs. Sandra" and it would have been a top 10 moment on this list easy. It probably could have even made the top five.

Jon's an ass.

The only problem, however, was that by simplifying "Jon versus Sandra" into one entry, I would be leaving out a lot of really good moments. I would be glossing over some of the best moments in the history of the show, and that just couldn't happen. No way was I going to skip over the Jon and Sandra war without giving it some special attention. So that leads us to #92 on the list. It is a moment that happened at Rupert's final Tribal Council (episode 9), and it is the first of many items on this list that will include Sandra and Jon. Their running battle was way too good to summarize into just one item on the list.

Jon yelling at Sandra. Day five.

Sandra offers a rebuttal.

Sandra thinking about Jon.

It was day 27 in Pearl Islands, the Balboa tribe was attending Tribal Council, and Rupert Boneham was about to get blindsided. It ended up being one of the most memorable episodes in Survivor history, but the part that I really enjoyed was when Sandra went off on Jon right before the vote. It was one of many Sandra-rants in the game, but this one was one of my favorites because she inadvertently channeled the spirit of Dr. Seuss. And she probably didn't even mean to rhyme, I'm sure it was an accident, but it sure sounded funny when she busted out with:

"Let it be known that Jon wakes up at noon, and then he goes under the bushes and he has a secret spot where he takes an additional nap. I have yet to see him wash a dish, or even clean a fish."

This quote is funny enough in itself, but let it be known that it was accompanied by a heaping dose of Sandra sass, as she shook her head from side to side (Alicia style) plus she pointed her finger in the air as she spoke. It was a total Sandra quote all around, and the fact that it sounded like a Dr. Seuss book was just an additional bonus. In fact, if you paid for Survivor Insider during Pearl Islands, you actually got to hear the extended version of her little speech. The longer unabridged version actually went like this:

"I have yet to see him wash a dish.
I have yet to see him clean a fish.
He does not help us here or there.
He does not help us everywhere.
He will not, will not, with a fox.
He will not, will not, in a box.
He does not help us in a tree.
So go Jon, go Jon, let us be.
You lemon cotton-candy headed snake ass motherfucker."

I found it interesting that she dropped an MF-bomb at the end, but you can chalk that up to Sandra just being Sandra. Anyway I was kidding about the extended quote, but I always liked that Sandra managed to slam Jon to his face at Tribal Council, and she did it in the style of Dr. Seuss. It wasn't her best slam in the game, true, but it was certainly one of the most stylistic. Too bad she couldn't have done it in iambic pentameter (or perhaps haiku). I guess that will have to wait for All-Stars 2.

Jon's reaction to the Dr. Seuss slam

Sandra sass

More Sandra sass

A typical shot of the two antagonists at Tribal Council. You would think that after a while they would learn not to always sit next to one another. Do they have assigned seats or something?

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