Linda Spencer, crazy person.
The Funny 115
#90. Just shut up about Mother Africa already
Africa - Episodes 1-4
Linda Spencer, crazy person.
Brandon Quinton (Survivor: Africa) once gave a very accurate
description of fellow contestant Linda Spencer. In episode four, he
told us that "she has two very, very different sides. It's like this
sweet little New
England Mom, and then there's this... I don't know... crazy woman side,
too."
Linda bows down before Lindsey
Linda may have only been around for four episodes, but she definitely
had a lot of memorable moments in the game. Remember when she taunted
Lindsey for getting hurt? Or when she tried to force a hug on Lindsey
by asking "Did
your momma never hug ya?" Both of these showed Linda at her peak
wackiness. But the thing that Linda Spencer
was really remembered for was her never-ending
adulation of "Mother Africa."
Throughout the first four episodes, it seemed like Linda never shut up
about "Mother Africa" this or
"The idol goddess" that. In Linda's mind, everything that happened in
the game seemed to some way relate
to fucking Mother Africa. And it happened so often that it sort of
became a running joke. Oh great, here's Linda
with another blithering soliloquy about Mother Africa. Time to go get a
snack from the fridge.
Mother Africa means something or other. I forget.
This subplot in Africa (Mother Africa makes the baby Jesus happy) got
so predictable that "Mother Africa"
eventually became sort of a trigger word for me. Anytime I heard that
phrase on TV, I immediately tuned out the
next 15 seconds of my life. It's like my brain shut down on me. I mean,
Linda could have announced the cure for
cancer at the end of her confessional and I never would have heard it.
The minute she hit that trigger word of
"Mother Africa", my brain turned me into somebody else. It was sort of
like Reggie Jackson when he tried
to assassinate the queen at the end of the "The Naked Gun." Linda
Spencer and Mother Africa teamed up
and somehow managed to hypnotize me.
The Idol Goddess loves the Funny 115 list, Mario. I can feel it.
By the way, here are some exact quotes about Mother Africa from Linda,
in case you don't remember them. Keep in
mind that I am only listing four, when in truth there were
approximately 22,000 throughout the course of Survivor:
Africa.
* Episode one, when Linda is criticizing Samburu
for making jokes about Africa: "I don't know if
you'll understand this, but Mother Africa.... zzz... blah blah blah."
* Episode two, when Linda talks to her alliance
about how they can succeed: "Our idol goddess will
protect .... zzzz... blah blah... Africa."
* Episode three, when Linda comments on the
dissention in camp Samburu: "Mother Africa is a very
spiritual place... blah blah blah... *snooze*."
* Episode three, when Samburu loses the "plane
drop" reward challenge: "Our idol goddess
is not happy, you guys. She went to find a place of peace.... blah blah
blah.... Silas... blah blah."
Damnit! I actually looked up those quotes before I tried to type them
in. I even had them written word for word
on my paper, thinking that would help. But unfortunately my brain just
wouldn't let me proceed once I reached
the inevitable trigger word. I'm really sorry, I had no idea I was
still affected by this phenomenon. I really
wish I could have been a little more helpful.
Mother Africa sucks.
Great, Linda's talking again. Time for a
piss break.
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